Finding the Right Relationship
Commitment is described and honored by many great authors:
"In a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced." ~Robert Sexton
"I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach."
~Elizabeth Barrett Browning
"True love stories never have endings." ~Richard Bach
"When you're in love you never really know whether your elation comes from the qualities of the one you love, or if it attributes them to her; whether the light which surrounds her like a halo comes from you, from her, or from the meeting of your sparks." ~Natalie Clifford Barney
Whether you believe in soul mates, we are mostly gregarious and social by nature. We enjoy being with others, for in others, we see ourselves. Sometimes the mirror reflects back exactly what we are hoping and expecting to see. At other times, that mirror reflects back things that we would rather not see or know about ourselves.
Finding the right partner for relationship depends in large part, on how healthy you are! By cleaning house and clearing the deck for a new relationship, you know that you are inviting the healthiest mate to join you on the next leg of your journey. If, instead, you choose to move from one unhealthy or disappointing relationship, back into the dating game, it’s pretty likely that you’ll carry your reactions and disillusionments from one relationship into the next.
In addition to resolving any past concerns or issues, finding the right partner is easier when you come to know your true self as well as you can. Learning to live the life that you want to live allows you to identify what components, qualities and traits would provide both complementarity and similarity for your relationship. While we can all enjoy the intense sparks of a fully complementary relationship (as in, opposites attract- and how!), it is impossible to maintain such a relationship over the long term. Relationships that are built solely on opposite components (you like Summer, he likes Winter) tend to be passionate, but burn out rather quickly. Long-term commitment requires similarity. When we cherish the same values, share like opinions, and enjoy similar sports and events, it allows us to build together, in a synchronistic way. So, if you’re just looking for a good time, without much commitment, by all means, select someone that is wildly attractive to you, that intrigues you, and that like you, wants little more than a night here or there. But, if you’re looking to create a life with someone, take particular care to look for that person in all the right places!
Personal relationship coaching and psychotherapy both allow you to come to know yourself, and to know exactly what you want in a partner, and in a relationship!